Hatred. Blame.

It scares me.

It scares me just how easy it is for me to hate something, someone. How quick I am to blame God, blame someone else, blame something.

A friend tells me that he struggles most every night, when I thought it wasn't so often. I blame God. Why can't I help him anymore than I am? Why can I only do so much? Why did you choose him, of all people?

I believe "love is the movement". But I sure don't act like it. I realized tonight how much hate there is in my life. Not necessarily hate for anyone, at least not now, but for myself, what I've done, what I can't do, blaming God.

Regrets, guilt.

It's tearing me down.

Hearing someone who's been imprisoned so many times and constantly persecuted say he has never hated the people who want him dead... it makes you realize that you have no reason to hate.

I just want to do so much more. I want to help him. But I can't, I can only do so much which never seems like much at all. After what he's done for me, you'd think I could do some of the same for him.

kadi.