Motivation.

I’m wondering why, those few moments when I really want to stop, why I want to. What’s the reason behind me wanting to? Not saying it’s bad. Just saying. Right reason?

Maybe it’s a matter of proving something. Proving to myself that I’m strong enough. Proving to others that I’m still a good person, a good Christian. Proving that I have things under control.

Why do I run to God? What’s my heart’s intent when I raise my hands and try to let go?

Am I concerned about a relationship and what I can do? Or what I can get out of that “relationship”? Do I only care to see myself “get better” and not care about anything, anyone else?

What’s the reason for me going to the cross if I’m only thinking about what I can get from it, not what I can give?

Or wondering how much I can give, and how much I can get from that act in the end?

What’s the point, week after week?

If I only care about getting rid of this.

And “getting better”.

And being a good person, a good Christian.

Then I’m a fool.

I’m a fool if that’s my only motivation for falling face down night after night.

kadi.