A Reason to Live

Over and over, the events replay
It's a broken record on repeat-
An endless, taunting repeat.

My first dream of us, I wish I could take it back
I lie awake and pray to a God
I pray it remains only a dream

Images pieced together to form our end
The two of us. Two guns. Two wounds.
Two lives that will cease to exist.

I'm scared though. Scared as hell.
My part may soon be reality.
Oh God, don't let it follow through

I stopped the intentional pain. I gave you my vice.
But with it I also gave my will to live
I gave away a fading passion to wake up and fight.

I hope you know, you're what's keeping me here.
With you, and away from reality.
I don't see how I could ever end it.

I hope it's enough. But common sense says not
Humanity will never get me far
So I pray, give me a reason to live just one more day.

I'm beginning to wonder if any of it's worth it. I gave up SI, but now I go one step further in my thoughts. But I want to live. It's SI and living. Or no SI and death. He wants me to stop. But I wonder if he'd rather have me dead or alive.

I don't think it's worth it. I don't see how it could be.

kadi.