I Still Love You.

I woke up this morning. "Last night didn't happen. Was it real? What he told me, did that conversation take place?"

I've thought about what he said last night all day. And now it's finally sinking in. He was worried he'd hurt me. He was worried he'd lose me. And honestly, I really am upset. But only because I can't stand to think that this is what he's been dealing with all this time. It isn't right.

As the tears roll down
Signifying a relase of something-
Something like a burden.

As the tears roll down
You open the door to reveal
A closet filled with shameful skeletons

As the tears roll down
You refuse to look at me
Worrying you'll only hurt me more

As the tears roll down
You ask me to not say anything
But instead, listen.

As the tears roll down
You tell me you love me
You don't want to lose me

As the tears roll down
I look you in the eyes
I won't let this change anything

You've never given up on me
Even after so many times of failing
And now, trust me when I say
I promise I won't let anything happen
I won't let go
Please believe me when I say
I still love you.

kadi.

Across the Broken Fields.

so, let's see.
i already have a xanga [brokenfieldspoetry] but maybe i'll stay over here. =]
i like, no, need to write. i'd curl up and die if you took away my paper and pen. so, that's what you'll see here. poems, songs, ramblings.

let's start here. i wrote this a couple weeks ago, before school started. and nothing much has changed since then. one high- but then came crashing down as usual. now i'm stuck here. apathy, maybe? or oblivious? i don't know. but i'm thinking i don't like it.

Rag Doll

A rag doll, tossed in the ocean
Beaten by each oncoming wave
Swept from current to current

I drift in and out of consciousness
Never knowing what is fact or fiction
Never knowing who is friend and who is foe

I'm thrown around like dead weight
Known as a 'thing'
No longer human

I hold my breath, reach for the surface
Hoping to find a ray of light
Maybe hope traced in tears

But I only fall further
Hitting harder each time
Each breath coming closer to death

When will it end?
I cry
Why do You not respond?

One can only take so many thrashings
Burdened by the guilt and the shame
Most could never stand long

I scream, "Rescue me"
But any hope returns empty
Bouncing off the hollow walls

Why do You leave me here?
Why must it happen?

Is this some cruel joke?
Because I know I can't survive any longer.

-kadi.