The Holidays.

The holidays always seem to have something about them. They can be the happiest time of year. Home from school for a little bit, time to slow down and enjoy what's around. Or they can be the crappiest time of the year. Either extreme.

Coming into this season, I knew it'd be a hard one. Not only for me, but for a friend of mine. And tonight. Tonight... I had two friends come up to me in tears. They feel like God's left them to fend for themselves, thrusting them into the hands of someone else who doesn't care at all. And these two, they're two girls you'd see smiling and laughing in the halls. And they always have something good to say about other people, always wanting to help out. They don't deserve what they have, they don't deserve what they're experiencing.

Holidays, especially Christmas it seems, have a way of making you stop and take time to count all of the hidden skeletons in the closet. They force you to stop and take inventory of what you do and don't have. Trust, love, relationships. Shame, guilt, regret.

I didn't know what to say tonight. It wasn't what I was expecting. I'm just trying to make it through the next two weeks with my own problems. And it hits you hard to hear your friend tell you what's been happening when you thought they had it out good. I've been on both sides. Neither is fun.

So with Christmas coming up, I have to believe my life can be something more. I have to believe this isn't all I'm meant to be. Addicted, needy, lost. I have to believe. I have to hope. No one is meant to be like this.

kadi.

I know an amazing guy, Jamie Tworkowski. He posted a blog last New Year's. And something he said has stuck with me through 2007:

You are brighter than the fireworks that paint the sky at midnight.