You Cannot Let Him Win.

Tomorrow I'm going to sit down and tell him I've decided. I want to go these next fourty days without SI. But I don't want it to stop there. The longest I've gone is 39 days. I know I can go farther. I want this to be it. I want this to be the time that I finally begin to change. I'm ready for change.

And I'm going to tell him I need help. I want to get rid of any triggers. So I'm going to ask him to take my razors from me and never give them back. I cut my rubber bands yesterday. And I'll be without razors by tomorrow night. God, I hope You notice. I hope You see that I want to give it up.

Last night I had two people talk to me about all of this. In one night. Maybe it's time now.

I'm hesitant to give up the razors. He's right. I hide in them. Each day after school, hurting myself provided relief that most would never understand. And it was enough. But in the end, it will all "be put to shame". I tell Cara not to give up, that she would only be giving those girls what they want. Maybe it's time to listen to my own advice. Don't give up. You're only giving Satan what he craves. You cannot let him win.

kadi.